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 Jisu's Sci-Fi Short Story (from creative writing class)

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Posts : 410
Join date : 2008-12-05
Age : 30
Location : The same place this computer is.

PostSubject: Jisu's Sci-Fi Short Story (from creative writing class)   Thu Feb 25, 2010 5:24 am

So, for Creative Writing (YES I'm taking that class for a, count it, third time now!) we had to write a 2500 word short story. So /naturally/ mine came out to be 3500 words. XDDD Anyways, sticking it up here I really need a reason? XDDD Plus, easy access for all us Morphing Sword-ers....uh.....yeah?

Enjoy. (In b4 the "R&R PLZKTHX!!!1")

P.S. I think I got it all reformatted from Word, what with the lack of tabs here and all, but if I missed something and a paragraph or two are smushed together, I apologize.


The ground team had disembarked the USETV Ra by shuttle to touch down on the alien world of Tlatoani, the Ra remaining hidden behind the planet’s large moon. It was an odd ground crew: the captain of the Ra, Captain Bry Wilson, her second-in-command, Commander Erin Keats, five marine branch spacers, the term now used to refer to anyone serving in the space corps branch of the United States Armed Forces, varying in rank from spacer first class up through gunnery chief, three rebel terrans, and two emancipated tlatoan slaves.

They had been brought together, earthans, terrans, and tlatoans, against a common enemy. The Terran Empire. The empire that, on Terra, an earth-like planet, had waged nuclear war in an effort to unite the world under one banner. They had succeeded, but not before plunging the planet into a nuclear winter that was slowly robbing them of all their natural resources, even breathable air. So when the terrans turned their eyes to the heavens in an attempt to find a new planet to inhabit and found earth, they began preparing for a full scale invasion of their long lost sister planet, fully intending on annihilating any presence on the world that posed a threat to their colonization.

There was a small group, however, that sought to stand against the main stream terrans but lacked the power. They decided their best course of action was to send a small contingent of their number to Earth in advance of the invasion fleet to warn the earthans and provide them with a way to repel the attack. Their plan was to go to the homeworld of the tlatoans, an alien race long ago enslaved by the terrans, and seek their aid with the promise of freedom for their people should they succeed in overthrowing the empire and saving Earth. And so now, the odd assemblage of races sat in the shuttle as it was guided through the dense atmosphere of Tlatoani before being gently set down in a small field on the edge of a forest.

The bay door opened and the team clambered out, taking a moment once in the field to resituate their gear. All the earthans, all members of the United States Space Corps, double checked that their combat vests were on securely and that their guns were properly attached to the harness, safeties off, and with replacement ammo clips readily accessible. This was a peace mission, but the Boy Scout motto of always be prepared never lost its power, especially considering this was, quite literally, alien territory.

Once the spacers were satisfied that their gear was in order, Bry gave the order and the entire group began to move out, heading into the nearby forest to search for a settlement of tlatoans.

“Captain,” called out the voice belonging to one of the terran rebels. Bry turned to face the terran, the entire company halting with her.

“Calif?” was the captain’s curt reply. True, these rebel terrans were supposed to be allies, but immediate trust, especially of someone outside the corps, was not one of Bry’s strong suits.

The terran looked slightly taken aback but she continued nonetheless. “Would it not be prudent to split into teams so we might search more area in less time?”

Bry’s brow furrowed almost imperceptibly. “I thought you knew where they were? Or at least that one of them knew where they were,” she said, inclining her head toward the two tlatoans as she spoke.

“We were born and raised on Terra, Captain,” the taller of the two tlatoans informed her. “All we know of our homeworld, we know through word of mouth, oral tradition. We don’t even know what our brothers will look like or if they will recognize us.”

This time all could see Bry’s eyebrows scrunch up as she shook her head. For several moments she remained silent, looking between the terrans and the tlatoans as she considered her options.

“Ma’am?” Erin finally chimed in, sensing the growing impatience in the group and desire to get out of the open field.

“Alright, Keats, Castillo, Calif, you three are with me,” Erin, the marine spacer Castillo, and the terran Calif all stepped closer to Bry, “The rest of you, I want two teams of two marines, a terran, and a tlatoan. Make it happen.” As the group began to fracture into two separate teams, Bry looked intently at each of the aliens now part of their number. “My marines have rank and authority over you at all times. You will do what they tell you, when they tell you, and there will be no questions asked. Is that understood?” All nodded. “Keep in radio contact, if anything should happen, this is rally point alpha. Questions?” there was a half second of silence before Bry continued, “Good, move out.” Each team set off at a different trajectory, quickly disappearing into the trees.

After about half an hour of traipsing through the dense forest with still no sightings of life to speak of save for the occasional bird, and no word from either of the other teams, morale was beginning to sink. While Calif seemed eternally optimistic, and positive that the indigenous tlatoans would soon be found, the spacers of the group grew steadily less and less sure.

“So,” Bry said, in an attempt to break the dull silence of the hike, “Castillo, any family back on Earth?”

“Yes, ma’am,” came the sergeant’s reply.

“Relax, marine.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

A mirthful laugh escaped Bry’s lips. “Mom, dad, sisters, brothers, sweetheart? What?”

“My parents are living in the San Diego area, southern California,” he clarified.

“So no one waiting for you to come back home?” Bry pushed, trying to get to know her crew better.

Castillo, however, was obviously uncomfortable with the question. “Ma’am? Is this above-board?”

The captain turned and looked at the young marine spacer, a bemused smirk on her face. “Completely professional, marine. Just making conversation. You’re not even my type; no offense.”

“Oh,” the young man looked away from his captain, blinking rapidly as he began studying the ground that was passing below him. “Sorry, ma’am. No offense taken, ma’am.”

Bry rolled her eyes, an exasperated sigh issuing from her mouth.

Erin decided to speak up. “What about you, Captain?”

“Family? My mom’s still alive and kicking in Springdale, just outside Zion Nation Park. She remarried a few years ago,” as she spoke of her family life, Bry’s voice tightened almost imperceptibly, an occurrence which Erin interpreted as, back off the subject. “No sisters or brothers, no…significant other, either.” And again Bry’s words gave Erin food for thought and the commander quickly began exploring just what that pause had meant. “How bout you, Keats?”

Erin was suddenly brought out of her thoughts, “Ma’am?”

“Family? Keats.”

“Just me and my dad growing up. Mom died in child birth. Dad was a marine so we moved around a lot. Never really got attached to anyone else cause I was never in any one place more than a year or two. No boyfriends or anything like that.”

As the team talked, they gradually made their way along a cliff wall they had run into the wall eventually leading them to the mouth of a cave. The banter ceased as the team inched up to the mouth, sideling along the cliff face to remain out of sight. Bry reached a hand up to her shoulder, clicking her radio on. “This is Captain Wilson, tango one, we may have something, standby.”

There was a small clearing around the mouth of the cave and various ‘man-made’ objects littered the ground. Castillo was the closest to the opening, following right behind him was Bry, and then Erin, all three with guns partially raise and at the ready, prepared to storm into the cave at a moment’s notice.

Bry slapped her hand onto Castillo’s shoulder and the man swiftly swung away from the cliff wall, pivoting into the open area before the mouth, his gun now fully raised and at the ready. No sooner had he left the cover than a large, wooden lance shot from the cave, skewering the sergeant straight through the torso. He fell to the ground, hand desperately grasping at the wound.

“Castillo!” Bry shouted, running out after her man without a second thought.

“Captain!” Erin yelled in a similar manner, however, she hesitated about running into the opening. Instead, she clicked her radio on, trying to keep the panic she was feeling from carrying over to her voice. “Tango two and three, this is Commander Keats, tango one. We are at a cave entrance roughly three clicks north of the landing site. We are taking fire! Request immediate assistance! Repeat, this is tango one. We are three clicks north of the landing site and taking fire. Request immediate backup.”

The radio was quiet for only a moment before crackling back to life. “Tango one, this is tango three, we’re on our way. ETA 15 minutes. Over.”
Immediately following, the radio again crackled, “This is tango two, we’re also on our way. ETA seven minutes. Hang in there, tango one. Over.”

In a scant few seconds, Bry was at Castillo’s side. A scant few seconds, however, proved to be too long as blood was already bubbling up out of the marine’s mouth. “Shit,” Bry hissed, “Hang on. We’re getting you out of here!” Castillo shook his head a little, coughing up more blood as another spear shot from the cave, landing only inches from where Bry hovered over him. “You don’t get to tell me no, marine! Is that understood?”

“Captain!” Erin called from the cliff side, arrows now beginning to fly from the cave.

“Marine!” Bry yelled angrily as Castillo began to choke and gag, desperately gasping for his last few breaths. “Don’t you die on me! You are not relieved of duty!” But the wound was too mortal, and the next moment, the marine spacer lay unmoving, blood still trickling down his cheek to the alien soil he had died on. “DAMMIT!” Bry shouted, dipping her head as an arrow whizzed past. The next bolt, however, she was not so adapt ad dodging, and the slender arrow easily found the flesh of her side, piercing straight through, just under her ribcage.

Finally, this was enough to usher Erin from safety. “Captain!” she yelled, running to where Bry had fallen, shouting a quick, “Stay there!” over her shoulder to Calif.

Grasping her side, a string of expletives spewing from her mouth, Bry shook her head viciously, trying to wave off Erin, but the commander either didn't see the motion or chose to ignore it. Erin scrambled to her captain’s side, letting loose a long burst of sub-machine gun fire into the cave.

“Keats! Hold your fire!” Bry ordered, grasping the pant leg of her second-in-command. Reluctantly, and in mild confusion Erin ceased fire and stooped, slipping her arms under the shoulders of her captain and proceeding to drag her back into the trees and out of range of the arrows and spears.

From the safety of the forest, Erin was now able to inspect her captain’s wound. The arrow had pierced Bry’s side completely, remaining lodged where it had stopped, the arrow head protruding out Bry’s back while the alien feathers on the opposite end of the arrow stuck out in her front.

“How bad?” Erin asked cautiously.

Bry drew in a sharp, pained breath as she experimentally prodded at the shaft. “Not too bad,” she swallowed. “I don’t think it hit anything. Just break it off and push it through. It needs bandaged,” Bry said, her eyes closed as she fought with inner pain management.

“Ma’am?” Erin said, her eyes widening. Sure, she had seen the procedure done in old vids, but she had absolutely no practical experience removing arrows.

“Do it, Commander.”

“Ma’am,” Erin acknowledged, gingerly grasping the wooden arrow.

Bry’s eyes snapped shut tight, a low growling moan escaping her lips even as she clenched her jaw. She drew in a ragged breath. “Quickly, Keats,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Yes, ma’am,” Erin said, gripping the arrow more forcefully and snapping the feathered end off in one quick motion.

“Ahhhhhrrrhhhh!” The cry started out laced with pain but turned into a roar near the end as Bry’s face contorted into an angry grimace in an attempt to hide the pain that now coursed through her body.

“Hang on, Captain. Just a little more,” Erin soothed as she pulled a small hermetically sealed pouch from her vest. She opened it and withdrew the bandages from within, placing them around the arrow shaft so they could quickly be placed over the wound as soon as the arrow was gone. “Ready?”

“Dammit, Keats, just get this thing outta me!” Bry said, her jaw still set.

Without another word or even warning, Erin reached one hand behind her captain, grasping the arrow head and pulling it hard while she pushed the broken end of the shaft with her other hand. Bry screamed again as the arrow was finally removed from her side, the wood stained red with her blood. She lurched, suppressing her gag reflex as Erin swiftly placed the bandages on both sides of the wound, applying soft but steady pressure.

“Little warning next time, commander,” Bry said through a strained smile.

“Sorry, ma’am. Figured better if you didn’t have time to tense up. How’s it feel?”

The captain chuckled once before drawing in a sharp, pained breath. “How bout you get shot in the side with an arrow and then lemme know how it feels,” Bry said dryly but in good nature.

Erin smiled, confident that, at least for the moment, her CO was ok. She looked through the woods, back toward the cave mouth. “Ma’am? Why’d you have me cease fire? They attacked first. They were hostiles.”

Bry shook her head as she moved her hand down to replace Erin’s in applying pressure to her wound. “If we’re to be allies, we have to trust each other. We can’t build trust with guns.”

“I don’t know, ma’am. They killed Castillo and put a hole in your side. I think I trust my gun more than I trust them.” The wording of Erin’s sentence may have been slightly light hearted, but her voice held all possible seriousness.

“That’s the problem, Commander.”

Calif, who had been staring at Castillo’s body, transfixed in a sort of morbid curiosity, finally started. The young terran waited for the arrows to completely stop before she stepped out from the side of the mouth and into the opening, arms raised out to her sides and head down in a show of submission and surrender.

Bry, who had just managed to struggle to her feet, an accomplishment that came complete with a new wave of pain lancing up and down her side, saw the terran and immediately regretted not putting the civilian on some sort of leash. “Dammit, Calif! What the hell d’you think you’re doing!?” she bellowed with all the force her wound allowed her. She took several steps toward the clearing, intent on going back out to retrieve the terran if need be, however, no arrows, lances, or any other potentially harmful projectile flew from the cave.

Cautiously, the two spacers stepped from the trees, Erin still with her weapon raised. Bry shot a glance at her second-in-command. “Do I need to make it an order, Commander?” Reluctantly, Erin lowered her gun.

Bry reached up to her radio. “This is Captain Wilson, tango one, situation resolved. Do not come charging in here with guns blazing, marines. Over.” Both teams acknowledged and team two soon joined them in the clearing. All four members stared at Castillo’s body as they entered the clearing.

As soon as team two arrived, movement was heard from within the cave, however still nothing could be seen. Everyone waited, tensions slowly mounting. By the time team three arrived on scene, showing the same shock toward the dead body as the previous group, Bry was about ready to either pull out or move into the cave, though she wasn’t particularly fond of either idea.

Just then, a figure came forth from the blackness of the cave mouth, followed by four more hesitant figures. They all looked distinctly larger than the two tlatoans currently in the group. In fact, the indigenous people looked on the order of seven or eight feet tall. Like their smaller relatives, the tlatoans had four arms. They walked on the balls and toes of their feet and had long, backwards pointing ankles that made their legs look distinctly velociraptor-like. They also sported long, flexible tails, much like a cat’s. Their skins ranged from brown to orange to red, and had an almost reptilian appearance. Their faces were long as were their noses and their eyes were large and mostly black with a small ring of varying colors around it. They had no hair, but instead a set of ridges where hair would have grown on a human that swirled back and met in a flat spiral on the back of their heads.

The leader wore a simple loin cloth, as did the others, but he also sported a marvelously colored, geometrically designed shawl draped over his shoulders and a headdress consisting of two white feathers flanking one larger red one. His eyes lingered on the two tlatoans in the group of humans. He spoke, the sounds issuing from his mouth an odd combination of a foreign language, low guttural sounds, and the occasional click or hiss.

Bry looked to one of the tlatoans in her group, a confused expression on her face. “What did he say? Why can’t we understand him, like we do you? And why do they look so much bigger than you two?”

One of the former slaves turned around and pointed to a circular device implanted on his neck at the base of his skull. “It is implanted at birth. It stunts our growth and acts as a translator. We do not speak your language, you simply hear it. You may have noticed or lips do not match what you hear.” He turned back around to face the group. “This is the leader of this tribe but he says he speaks for all the tlatoan people.”

“What does he say?” Erin asked, a skeptical tone to her voice.

“Speak, chief. They will hear your words through me,” the former slave said to his much taller counterpart. The chief spoke again and the humans waited patiently for him to finish before looking to their translator for paraphrasing. “Three moons ago, this chief was making offerings at the temple when he had a vision from the gods. They spoke to him saying that terrans who were not terrans would soon come with strange new weapons and that one would fall before the might of the tlatoans as blood payment for all the children the terrans had stolen. The gods said that then, one terran would come before them with arms raised in surrender, and that once all were assembled, he was to go before the terrans and make peace. The gods said that, in this unity, the tlatoans would finally be free,” he paused and the chief nodded gravely.

Everyone’s eyes were wide with a combination of disbelief and amazement, but none were wider than Erin’s. “So we just fulfilled some kind of prophesy?” she said incredulously.

“Apparently,” Bry said, wincing slightly as her wound reminded her of its existence.

“You can’t be taking this seriously,” one of the marine spacers voiced, hastily taking, “ma’am,” on the end after receiving a warning glance from Erin.

“We came here to make friends, gunnery chief,” Bry said. “Way I see it, they already wanna be buddies, all the better. Makes my job easier.”

“Ma’am,” Erin interrupted. “You’re still wounded, Captain. We should get you back to the ship.”

Bry smirked, “Yes, Mom.”

Erin felt her face flush with color. “Ma’am,” she mumbled apologetically.

“Relax, Keats, I know. This hurts like a sunovabitch, no need to tell me what I already know.” She turned to the remaining members of her ground team. “Cricton, you and Keats are coming back to the ship with me. The rest of you are to remain planet side and hash out the details of this alliance with our new friends here,” she said with a smile toward the large tlatoans. “Once you’re done, radio the ship and we’ll come pick you up.”

Cricton cast a sideways glance at Castillo’s body. “Ma’am? We’re not leaving him here, are we?”

“No,” Bry said almost instantaneously. “Once we get back aboard the Ra we’ll send a team down to get him. We don’t leave our people behind,” she said with both pride and sadness in her voice. She glanced around the group, “Any other questions?” None were posed. “Alright, move out,” she said to Cricton and Keats who both fell in behind their captain, Keats a little closer than usual, just in case the captain needed her support.

The invasion of Earth hadn’t happened yet, there was no war being waged, yet one man already lay dead on alien soil and Keats wasn’t about to let the woman she was growing to respect and admire join him.
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PostSubject: Re: Jisu's Sci-Fi Short Story (from creative writing class)   Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:36 pm

One word.


Write moar!
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PostSubject: Re: Jisu's Sci-Fi Short Story (from creative writing class)   Fri Feb 26, 2010 8:19 am

Your word is indeed true my ever slash perceptive friend! XDD

This story though (in case you couldn't tell it's definitely only PART of the larger sci-fi I've been working on for....oh 8ish months now) will be a bit of an exercise in restraint for me. I want it to be first and foremost, a sci-fi adventure. When I finally do start shipping Bry and Erin, I want it to feel, first of all, natural and not rushed. I also want it to still be kinda the sub plot to the still main plot of space marines and aliens and shooting shit! I'm also hoping that, if I do ever get this published, by the time I do the sucker punch of 'btw there's lesbians in this story', I will have successfully hooked the reader so they'll be forced to get over it. >D Well, I guess they could rage quit. Their loss. XDDDDD
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PostSubject: Re: Jisu's Sci-Fi Short Story (from creative writing class)   Sat Mar 06, 2010 2:30 am

XDDDDD True dat. Also man, I have to check this more often, I can't believe it's already been a week.

Noticing the days hurrying by~
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PostSubject: Re: Jisu's Sci-Fi Short Story (from creative writing class)   Sat Mar 06, 2010 5:44 am

Well, you did have /hell/ essay week so...I'd say that qualifies as a good excuse to be MIA for a week. XD;;;
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